I woke up everyday to the same routine. sometimes i got sick of it and it feels like i can no longer continue but i knew for every right reason i have to keep moving forward. it is now less than 5 months to achieve freedom. sometimes the grey skies seems to know my feelings and the pouring rain tells it all. i have no reason to give up. this is the last year of me being a sch student so by hook or by crook i have to keep going, for the sake of umie and ayah.

it's been hard. for the hopes on my shoulders, it is hard. i know i can do it because at the thought of them remind me that they have worked extra hard for us, their children. no words can describe how deeply dearly my love is for them. so i gotta work hard to repay the sacrifices, the tears, the money and everything they have done. but you know, i do not know where to start. i mean i have started but i dont know if its enough. guide me through ya Allah. for you are the Greatest and the Almighty.

love, laila

I've been good

Bismillahirrahmanirahim. 

First and foremost, i would like to apologize to my Wajdi hahahaha bcs he says he often opens my blog but reads the same post all over again. I pity him thats why i post this enrty. 

So to conclude everything in this post regarding my stories for the last few months then i dont think i cant bcs it is not short. As a candidates of Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia, my ordinary life really changed 360 degrees. It is hectic with 3 hours of netball training which is my daily routine, studies and homeworks and all kind of stuff related to a hostel student. Speaking of netball, ye saya main netball walaupun tak terror mcm star tapi menyumbang lah juga hahaha. To sum up everything, i also stay up until 1 plus and wake up at 5 due to finishing mountains of hwks and the thought of ohh i didnt study anything yet today cs i slept in prep. Crazy life.

Well i think that is pretty much my story lah kan hahaha acah acah panjang je kan. Practically my world now revolves around school and studies. I seldom get to balik kampung bcs i am to busy living my life at school. The girls as well are busy with their studies so we rarely see each other. I seriously cannot wait till SPM ends bcs by tht time i can do wtv i want hoho freedom is mine ( lambat lagi padahal )

I should stop typing and kejut my beloved wajdi now bcs he is that mengada. Yes wajdi is bestfriend, boyfriend, cry shoulder and everything. He is one of the person i look for when i am happy or sad or in trouble or moody. Basically he is everything to me and i am proud to say we managed to go through the ups and downs for over a year now. yeay clap clap wajdi! 

See you guys soon in my next entry which i dont know when will i have the heart to post hehehe takecare everybody. Kindly pray for my success in SPM dear everybody.

laila xoxo

i'm inlove with you

(before i start i would like to warn you, im writing about my kesayangan so yea) 

Mornight people :) it's currently 3 in the morning. just hung up the phone. talked to boyfriend and forced him to stay awake by keep talking haha bad girlfriend i am. forced him to sing little things for me   but he refused so i youtube it and sang it with him hehehe.

it's like what 5 months being 'friend' with him. i'm happy than you can tell. he's like the kind-est (even i know this word doesnt exist but still using it anyway) and a sweetheart to me. very manja and menggedik. he acts differently when i'm around. he turns into being a very quiet and shy person. everybody realises it but that what makes him different. 

i hope we can continue this and still get the sparks out of this.i hope we can get through the thick and thin together. i hope we can do everything together. i pray you have all the strength  in the world to always be with you so that you wont be broken-hearted if i ever leave. i pray you get all the happiness with you every single day so that i can always see and be happy by looking at your smile. 

thanks for the amazing 5 months, love. time spent with you is never a waste. thanks you for every kind thing you did just to make me happy. i could not ask for more. i thank you for everything and i wish you every happiness in the world. ( hopefully i am one of it)

love, laila.

zero

Hi daisies. Sorry for being away for so long. I've been lazy. I apologise from the bottom of my heart. Truly sorry. Let's just pretend that they are few people that read this blog of mine , shall we? haha okay.

I am okay. I am feeling good about myself after everything umie said in our convo yesterday morning.  People are jealous that is why they do the talking. School has been hectic. With the so called-problems with girlfriends there, with studies and everything. But Alhamdulillah everything is under control. I do not want to talk about the girlfriends bcs i dont think its worth talking about. If they really are my friends, they would have tegur my wrong-doing instead of spreading my bad attitude to others. That is just unacceptable. So yeah, jealousy people.

Speaking of jealousy, there is this one guy that gets jealous everytime guys talk to me or smile at me or even just give me a glanced.He gets jealous easily bcs he told me that he's afraid i might fall for another guy rather than staying with him forever. He is my schoolmate. I mean more than a schoolmate. My bestfriend. My boyfriend. The replacement of Ajim he is. I still can hear people buzzing around about me and him but idc cs honestly i have never disturbed their life. I am living my life but ofcourse i do know the limits.

Yes true, i was never interested of knowing him in the first place. In my mind, he was just another guy that flirts around with girls. I never knew he was this serious about knowing me. He is in my batch. Junior as well as i am myself. So yea no one cares since i'm dating a junior. hehehe. He is a friend to my girlfriends.

So here i am telling everyone that i want him in the future. Its okay if he isnt mine now but i want him in the future. I just love the feeling of being wanted by him. I just love that he treats me gently. I just love that i can talk to him like a bestfriend. I love the feeling of being with him now. Not as a girlfriend-boyfriend feeling. It is more to i-can-tell-you-everything-even-my-deepest-secret-bcs-i-can-trust-you feelings.

Oh and we are not promising each other anything or is it just me ? I am just going to enjoy the present.   It is fine if we don't talk anymore after this but atleast i got the chance to know him once. So.... I now shall pen down and start packing since im leaving to hostel at 4 pm. Takecare everyone and selamat berpuasa xx

love, Laila.

Serendipity

Isnt it ironic that people could hurt you way before you know them well ? it's fuqin hurt. i like someone but i don't want to get into relationship. So i guess i will have to bear with the pain seeing him talking to girls, laughing and every other thing. No, imma stick with my thought. Boyfriend is a trouble for me. He should know that i like him. He is fuqin special to me. He is my special friend. A friend. yes, he is. Because you know what, friendship last longer than relationship. No, i mean friendship never ends. I really want that never-ends-thing.

p/s : you are special, please know. Not as a boyfriend but special as in i can tell you my deepest secret. That is what special means to me. Serendipity, period.

love, Laila.

Now, everything is good

it is Monday and i am home. It is the semester break, i know i am excited more than you can tell. First, i want to apologise for not updating this blog of mine. It was like what 4 months ago i last updated right ? Sorry, i was busy enjoying every secs of my life that i forgot i still have a blog to share, to write and to express.

You know what ? i now don't really need to express everything in here. I have bunch of caring and loving people around me. They are willing to lend their ears for me so this i will consider as my sec option to express anything from now on. It is good tho that i dont really depend on something that can't talk instead i look for people who i can count on to get advices. Yes, it is a good thing after all.

Second, life has been treating me really well. I am happy with changes cs i love new things. It gives me new experience. Well, it's true sometimes life is hard but you just have to live it cs gal nothing will get in our way if you have supports. I do have supports. From everyone. I feel really good about myself now than ever.

Third, now i am free to flirt around cs no one gonna yell or stop me from doing that. I tell you its good to just live the way you want and not to be controlled by someone who isnt your husband. fuqit who do you think you are ? i asked for it and he thought that i want a break up bcs i wanted to go to that someone who likes me. oh stop it. 

Next is i am now can proudly say that i'm starting to love the sch. Technical institute of Kuala Lumpur i would say.Its getting fun there each day. The classmates are superly nice and really i couldnt ask for more. Also i have my baby Ikha with me which is good to have someone you can share everything with. Harith, who has been a very good friend there and an entertainer to us ( ikha and me ofcourse) He reminds me to Ajim so much. The character which i could say iz very the same.

Thus, i guess that is just it. Till we meet again dear everyone who read this. I say this as if it sounds like they are people who read this. ah i dont care. Please takecare and enjoy your holiday. Do not forget to do your homework students! salam xx

love, laila.

the life there

It's almost a month since the last time i updated this. You know, i've been busy. With life, school, asrama and other stuff. I've been home a week ago and will be going back to asrama within few hours from now.

Life in asrama is good. The seniors are really friendly. I mean, c'mon not all of them but my dorm's seniors are. The first week i was there, i cried myself to sleep. 2 days in a row. It's like more to missing the boyfriend than the family. I know i'm a bad gurl. Even if it's good there, i still have the feeling to go back to my old sch. The schedule are pack.

We sleep at 12 and have to wake up at 5 to run for the bathroom. When the clock strikes at 7 am, we have to clear the hostel area then we can only go back into our dorm at 4.30. Really a long day. At night, we have prep then blablabla. Plus, the foods there are all tasteless. OMG if only i could bring my mom there mhmmm but i still eat a lot. what is wrong with me idk.. So enough with asrama life.

Ohhh btw, yesterday i went to meet my sayang. At the hospital. With umie and my friends. Yes! my mom met his parents. Just chit-chatting and all. I just love his baby sister. Geram :3 Oh he got admitted bcs of the bacteria infection kot. Usus dia problem or something and had an operation. But now, alhamdulillah he's getting better.

I am better stop now. good day lovelies! Takecare and be good xx

love, laila

it starts all over again

It's basically 11.18 pm in 31st Dec 2011. yes true! Today is the last day of 2011. I am so gonna miss everything that happen in 2011. This year has brought a lot of good memories to me. Not only that, i've also have gone through bad moments this year. It's no longer bad things to me, in fact all that have became my lesson. I've learned my lesson.

Withing an hour we all are going to live in a new year, 2012. I really hope this new year gonna be much more better than 2011. I mean no, year is still year. I mean me, i pray for the best. To be a better person for everybody. It aint that hard but it takes alot of courage to do that. I realize that. So, i have listed out my new year resolution and i really hope that i could do wtv i wish for, be the person i wanna be and whatsoever but... i dont think its really necessary to publish it in here soo yeahh.

Ohh and another thing, i'm going to asrama on Jan 9th. I've decided to leave everything behind and study there. Leave my family, my friends, my schmates and also my most favourite person, my boyfriend. Sob sob i know, i'm sad too but it's just for 2 years then everything gonna be back to normal, Insyaallah. I'm going to Teknik but i'm still waiting for letter from Mara cs i really wanna go to mrsm that bad. It's really sad to know that i only have 4/3 days before going to new school. I am so going to miss my classmates and the girls.

So that is all i guess. And also happy 2012 guys! be good and be safe. Starts your new year with bismillahirahmanirahim. Takecare xx

love, laila.

The results

I always have trouble with what to write to start an update. is it with hello ? or with an apology ? or maybe with telling you how wonderful my life has been ? yes, i know. i sucks but who the heck cares anyway ? Well, hello to the hommies and strangers. I apoligize for being such a lazy ass. hehehe :3

I've been busy. Busy with my life. I've turned into a housewife this holiday or should i called myself a "bibik" ? cs i really am busy sweeping the floor, cleaning the mess in the house, washing the dishes and other stuff. Other than that, this holiday treats me well. Except for the fact that i've been so anxious and nervous waiting for the results to come out. It has been a month that fulls with curiousity and such. I prayed for the goods. I want to be proud and i want to make my parents proud.

And alhamdulillah, He listens to me. I know i've done my best. My very best. I think, i've put more effort than everyone else did. Ayah and umie also have tried given their best for my success. Alhamdulillah, i got straight A's but sadly i didnt manage to get up to the stage cs i reached sch a bit late. All thanks to maksu cs she's the one who accompanied me there. I was fuqin nervous and i hit the door.

I thanked Allah for everything He has given me. Alhamdulillah. Also thanks to the teacher, the friends, the classmates, the seniors and semua semua. I'm so blessed :) so i shall off now. Looking forward to a good start for a new year. Takecare everyone xx

love, laila.

as me, speaks for myself

wheresoever you go, go with all your heart - conficius

have you ever felt like giving up on life ? well, i have. not once but few times. I aint giving up on life exactly but with the situation. I feel like freezing the time. so that i wouldn't have to make a stupid decision. so that i could have the time to think and make a wise decision. true, people often make mistakes but when it's repeated several time, that is not mistake that is just their choice.

This exact time, i feel like doing the same thing. freeze the time. frankly speaking, i usually don't express what i really feel. but now i have reached the point where everything he does annoys me to the max. but i love him. this is pathetic, telling people what i feel instead of telling him directly. i love him so much. we used to say everything to each other and all but since umie told me not to over do things, especially things like this. i've stopped. i started to have doubts.

i tried not to promise anything since ever. i dislike letting people down. i want to be good. i tried to be and still trying. i make a baby steps. it is so impossible to do things drastically. i once tried to get away from him for like days but i failed. i have to atleast text him and ask about things even if it's like short replies but we still gonna text each other. yeah things are complicated than ever now.

but whatever it is, i love him. and i love my parents too. imma listen to what they've told me about stuff like this. be friend with everybody. i have a long way to go so don't commit myself into something that i aint sure. ofcourse, everybody do has plans but why we plan things that will only happen 7 or 8 years from now ? banyak benda will happen in that 7 8 years, who knows kan. so i have many choices and i just have to wait for the right time to seriously think about things like this.

this is me speaking up for myself. when i re-think about it. it's true. don't busy yourself with your relationship that yourself are not sure with. studies, get good grades, get into universities, have your own money < well that time is the most suitable time for you to find your soulmates. right ? well, you gotta ask that to yourself.

sharing is caring so this is just something tht i'd like to share. ohh and btw, happy holidays :)

love,laila.

life as what we knew it

Hi Assalamualaikum. Hello everyone ! it almost a month I didn't update this blog aite ? Pardon me for that. I aint busy at all in fact I have so much of free time after PMR. It just I haven't been really online this thing for a long period. Just accept the fact that I'm a lazybump alright ? okay at last, I admit it huehuehue ^^ lol no...

What did I do after PMR ? well, mhmm nothing. yeah totally nothing. oh and btw, remember I told ya earlier about the things-to-do-after-PMR ? I wanted to make a list of it aint I ? nope I didnt list it out at all. I so hate myself right now bcs everything doesnt go the way I wanted it to be but yeah that is what life looks. It doesnt always go as we have planned nor happened like what we have wanted. But after all, I have to admit that i just cannot hate myself for too long cs I am awesome. Always and forever :P hahaha okay nah i kid.

How was school after PMR? school was okay. I go to sch when i feel like doing so or skip when the rate of my laziness reach it max level. We have lists of activities to do at school. We do different activites everyday. So this week is sports week. Us, girls play netball while the boys gonna go with football. The school looks even attrative now.... lol no... its bcs the activites we having at sch.

Now everything seems so perfect. And what made me so happy is that umie now doesnt really care if I aint going to sch. She doesnt nags all day anymore and my life seems happier that way. lol who doesnt kan. My friends ? They are all doing great. My boyfriend ? Forever going to be my most favourite handsome guy hahaha. He says we have to at least meet once a week so after PMR ni saya jadi sangat miskin T_T Hoping that November going to treat us well. Less fight, loved more. That is all i want from him.

So i think i shall stop now. This post is like hell long of a post. Takecare loveliess xx

love, laila.

memories won't fade

♥

Happy moments last forever. It doesn't fade away. It stays forever in your heart and mind. It's the same happen to me. I really hope all the good memories when I am with my friends stay forever in my heart.

So, yesterday is one of the day I hope I won't forget. Chud, Robi, Sara, Hazim and I went to KLCC. Well obviously the PMR is over so just thought that we could have fun sekejap. I got to meet my love there! :D We watched movie. I haven't done that in quite some time. It was good when eating popcorn while you enjoying the movie. It totally is a bliss.

Yes I've got to meet him there. I was so happy cs I couldn't resist that act I miss him so much. I just thought that I needed to see his smile, hear his super-super annoying voice and talk about random things with him. Yesterday was great cs I seldom get to see him and walk with him. Yes, true ! I feel like smiling from the second I woke up this morning.

I am so happy but mhm I miss him already. We took pictures and I think I am just being me whenever I am with him. Just me. I guess this is what it feels like when you are so inlove with someone ey ? You just be yourself when you're with him and you can have the conversation about random things and you can take silly pictures with him without worrying about your looks ? I guess yea.

Well I guess imma stop here now ;) Oh btw, I went to sch today and it was sucks. School was boring today but yes ! sch has organised banyak activites starting from tomorrow so hopefully tak boring mcm today.

Goodnight and tkcare lovelies xoxo

love, Laila.

it ends today

PMR is officially over today. Alhamdulillah after about a year struggling finally it ends today. Hopefully the result worth all my time and energy. I have put a lot of effort and Insyaallah, I just leave it all to HIM and believe that everything going to be great at the end of the day.

love, Laila.

nine ten eleven

one of these, gonna be mine soon :P

Assalamualaikum . Hi ! so this is my very first post for October aite ? I've had enough apologise to you guys about the lacking of updates here haha but well sorry again. It's 9/10/11 so I just thought that I had to paste it down on my blog cs the number is rare hehe. Hey do you know what happen on October ? yeah that's correct ! It's my exam week or should i say PMR examination? yeah.

So Alhamdulillah PMR is soon to be over. Just 2 paper left and tomorrow is ze last day for PMR. I am so happy I could die hahaha no. I have many things to do . Haih should start making a list-to-do-after-PMR lah. in my new diary ! yes I bought a new diary and I love it :') I have many things on my head so should start write it tonight. I am surely do not want to miss a single thing.

Ahaa before i forget something, last friday is my second months with pakwe. wuhuu hopefully this would last forever. Well eventhough forever does not exist but yeah forever baby :-* Thanks for the 2 months sayang.

I think I should pen down now cs I have nothing else to write. So to those who sit for PMR let's enjoy our day after PMR !! and to who that are not PMR candidates go fuqin study for your finals :P

love, Laila

Smile with me.

I always don't know how to start writing. Always sits for hours in front of the laptop to find the right sentence to start writing. screw me. But today I don't care if i couldn't find the right words. I'm still gonna update about today. I mean friday obviously cs it has pass 12.

Sch organised a feast so-called-jamuan-1Malaysia. I've got all excited the night before cs sch hasn't organised such this feast for a quite long time lah juga. Thought of bringing camera to sch which I didn't thus i had to capture the moment using my friendS's camera.

I don't care about the food actually, really. I was more excited about the friends with their baju raya and all. I just ate one plate of mix-food-with-chicken-rice-and-that-idk-food.

I was so happy. The girls are crazy. Their craziness could make me die with a heart attack. They laughed hard. Also, the guys were damn gay. I mean not really but they act like they are. The weather was ugh sunny. Panas sangat. Me didn't go around with the girls like I usually did due to the hot hot heat weather. I stayed under the fan like I'm all alone eh not alone actually. LOL me. The guys came and like blablabla and took pictures together.

I couldn't ask for more. I'm so bless with the friends around me. This is surely gonna be remembered forever and also a gift for my awesome life. I hope this could remain forever. Friends forever. The guys also were very understanding and supportive. yeah they still are the same.

*I don't know which pictures to post so I decided not to post anything :3

she always there and I hope always will.

love, Laila.

through thick and thin

forever and always. bestfriend forever girls ♥

the starts of everything

Sup people ? I'm dying here. PMR is so near that I barely breathe. It's 20 days left to that BIG day. The day where I, myself will sit for the exams. It feels like yesterday when i started studying form3 syllabus. The time flies so fast that I can't even enjoy it for a sec.

Well, not really. I also had good times with my friends despite all the studies and stuff. I just couldn't believe that I'm going to sit for my PMR paper in 20 days. This is so fast. As in fast that i remember i didn't get the chance to enjoy reading novels like I did last year. I remember how I used to be so playful and didn't really care about school and studies that much.

And now everything changes. In less than 4 months there is no more 2011. The year where I started to learn the needs and the wants. The year where I had to struggle to be in top10 in class. The year where I had the most time, full with books and school. The year where I learnt to keep myself close to The Almighty. Within 12 months, I learnt so much of new things.

I'm blessed. I couldn't ask for more. I just hope that all my hard works are worth the time and the energy cs I have put lots of effort to success in PMR. I don't want to let my parents down. I've had enough 3 years ago...

Everything starts and ends with school.

love, laila.

Let's us...

So, today is officially my first month with Pakwe. lulz pakwe jew no no nehi nehi bukan haha. I actually not into this kind of thing but this time is acceptable alright ? yeah ok. let's us start the sweet moment. *music on runaway by bruno mars*

Sayang, I love you. So much. no jugding. Everyone loves their parents so do i. That's different k. I love it when you say you love me at random moment. Like we were texting then all of sudden... you wrote " baby, I loveeee you soo much! " this made me smile big :')

Sayang, I just hope we could last forever. When i mean we, it means us, this relationship. I know this may sound pathetic cs imma 15 y/o girl but well everyone has hopes. I wish for this and I pray for it everytime i finish solat. no jokes no lies.

Sayang, let's us get good grades and go to Universities and get the dream job and let's make lots of money and then let's get married then grow old together. let's sayang ? ok, I love youu so much :-*

Happy one month sayang.

love, laila.

Eid mubarak.

Assalamualaikum semua. It isnt too late to wish slmt hari raya aite ? So... Happy Eid Mubarak. Btw, sorry for the lack of updates. It's not that i busy or what, i am just so fuqin useless and lazy one to update this thing moreover i aint really used my laptop. Pardon me.

So how was the raya celebration for y'all ? Mine ? Da bomb like usual. I wore orange cotton baju kurung. I felt awesome hokeh. Rasa vogue gilewww. Lulz please vomit all the rendang and lemang hahaha. Neuww i kid. Tiada warna sedondon tahun ini ye. We wore the colour yg nak match2 jew. Last-minute shopping has always been liddis.

This year saya beraya di Perak on my mom's side. Went there on Aug 28th with ibu's family which is umie's lil sis. Beraya di sini dapat banyak duit raya. Cannot tell how much lew kan hehe. On the first day i followed my parents to the relatives houses. Ramai hokeh , kire konvoi lah kot. Oh and i went to Kedah on the sec day of raya. Tahu.. mmg sekejap gile dkt Perak... Third day me and ze family went to Kangar dan sukutu dengannya. Convoi 7 cars with 7 family in it. Great day, semua siblings ayah ade. But..the sad part was when we didnt get duit raya eventho we went to like 4 or 5 houses T_T

Honestly, i like being with the cousins on umie's side more than on ayah's side because....cousins on ayah's side most of 'em are boysss. Y'know how boyss aite ? ganasss dan brutal nak mamps. Tapi i cannot deny one thing, the fact. Ayah's twin brother has a 15 y/o son. Handsome sangat wey !!!! lulz seriously i like my own cousin !! ok dah. Pakwe baca jealous dia~

I guess i'm gonna stop here. This post, most of it is useless and nonsense. After all, i really had a good raya celebration with the family, food and everything. Alhamdulillah.

love, laila

someone's need a hug

eyes is the window to the soul. through eyes you can see the happiness, the sadnees of someone's life. if the mouth denying what the people see, you just have to look in their eyes and says you are not okay then give him/her a hug. everyone needs hug including me. if someone could give me a hug and a shoulder to cry on now, that would make me feel relieved. i have problem but well obviously i can't post it in here. prayers and thought from all of you hope could make my life better, InsyaAllah. please pray for me. i really need it. thank you lovelies. only Allah knows how to pay the good deed you have done.

love, laila.