as me, speaks for myself

wheresoever you go, go with all your heart - conficius

have you ever felt like giving up on life ? well, i have. not once but few times. I aint giving up on life exactly but with the situation. I feel like freezing the time. so that i wouldn't have to make a stupid decision. so that i could have the time to think and make a wise decision. true, people often make mistakes but when it's repeated several time, that is not mistake that is just their choice.

This exact time, i feel like doing the same thing. freeze the time. frankly speaking, i usually don't express what i really feel. but now i have reached the point where everything he does annoys me to the max. but i love him. this is pathetic, telling people what i feel instead of telling him directly. i love him so much. we used to say everything to each other and all but since umie told me not to over do things, especially things like this. i've stopped. i started to have doubts.

i tried not to promise anything since ever. i dislike letting people down. i want to be good. i tried to be and still trying. i make a baby steps. it is so impossible to do things drastically. i once tried to get away from him for like days but i failed. i have to atleast text him and ask about things even if it's like short replies but we still gonna text each other. yeah things are complicated than ever now.

but whatever it is, i love him. and i love my parents too. imma listen to what they've told me about stuff like this. be friend with everybody. i have a long way to go so don't commit myself into something that i aint sure. ofcourse, everybody do has plans but why we plan things that will only happen 7 or 8 years from now ? banyak benda will happen in that 7 8 years, who knows kan. so i have many choices and i just have to wait for the right time to seriously think about things like this.

this is me speaking up for myself. when i re-think about it. it's true. don't busy yourself with your relationship that yourself are not sure with. studies, get good grades, get into universities, have your own money < well that time is the most suitable time for you to find your soulmates. right ? well, you gotta ask that to yourself.

sharing is caring so this is just something tht i'd like to share. ohh and btw, happy holidays :)

love,laila.